Previous topics I failed to follow up on:

1.  Best Worst Beer.  (Old German won, by the way.)

2. My Year of Shows 2012 edition.

Upcoming topics I will fail to follow up on:

1. Strategies to avoid missing out on your kids’ youth.

2. Becoming your parents- pros and cons.

3. Feelings: what are they anyway?

4. My Year of Shows 2013 edition

So far, so awful.  I ran a half marathon yesterday but apparently EVERYONE DOES THAT NOW so I was just another fat guy sweating into a personalized t-shirt and begging horrified onlookers to give me high-fives.  I bookended the race with two binge eating and drinking sessions so my net weight loss for my fun fitness weekend was a nine pound GAIN. All I need to do is stop drinking so much beer, eat healthier food, eat smaller portions, stop drinking so much wine, run more than twice a week, stop drinking so much whiskey, add in some strength training and think about getting some kind of weight-loss surgery.  I am not going to write my novel until I can do it SHIRTLESS.

I went to more shows this year than in any year of my life.  I grew up, went to college, and spent years working in various rural areas, and when I first moved to Pittsburgh I never had any damn money, and then then we had kids, and even when the kids got old enough to leave with sitters, Pittsburgh used to routinely get skipped on the good tours, which has recently changed for the better.  Point being, this is a lot of shows for me, even though it may not be a lot for other people who think they are cooler than me.

May 12- Avett Brothers- Nautica Pavilion in Cleveland.  Great venue, great show, great setlist.  Went with college friends.  Got drunk. May have spouted off some very liberal social political views and then felt bad about it in the morning when I remembered our friends are pretty religious.

May 20- Avett Brothers- Stage AE Pittsburgh.  The thing about Stage AE is that it was built on a parking lot between the football stadium and ballpark.  However, somehow, when you see an outdoor show there, it feels like a cozy ole field.  It is spectacularly well designed- from anywhere inside you can get a (reasonably priced) beer, go the bathroom and be back at your spot in 5 minutes.

Anyways, this show was AWESOME.  First big concert for Parker, our nine-year-old.  We got super-close so Heather could gaze into Seth Avett’s eyes.  Major, major ladyboner time.  I was designated driver so I didn’t get drunk.

June 9- Girl Talk- Stage AE Pittsburgh. This was right smack-dab in the middle of the few months the Pirates were tricking everyone into thinking they were good at baseball.  So the parking lot was NUTTY beforehand, a nice mix of blue collar Pirate fans blasting classic rock and chugging domestic light beers and hipsters tripping balls.  Walking back through the parking lot after the show reminded me of how Vonnegut described Dresden in Slaughterhouse Five.

Oh man did I drink a lot before this show.  It was me, another guy, our wives, and like 3-4 other crazy drunk ladies.  We nabbed a great spot against the railing at the front of the lawn. I GOT IN A FIGHT AT THIS ONE because people were not allowed to stand in front of us but the staff got a little lax for the encore since people were leaving and shifting and what not.  So these dudes stood right in front of us and it was right during the “GET OUT THE WAY BITCH” song so I was screaming it right in their ears and adding “I MEAN YOU IN THE ORANGE SHIRT, GET OUT THE WAY.”  We exchanged words and they moved SHUT UP THAT IS TOO A FIGHT.

(next up, Nada Surf, Hall and Oates, Neko Case, Afghan Whigs, Avett Brothers, Dinosaur Jr.)

I have around 21 hours before Geoff and I will be having lunch.  Please suggest conversation topics, as I am pretty much at a loss.

Seven weeks into the Insanity Workout and I developed an unrelated rash on my shoulder.  I am going this afternoon to have a doctor look at it and I think my pecs and shoulders are developed enough that I can turn it into a serious shirtless pose-down while I suggest different angles and lighting for which she can check it out.  “Well, you’ve suggested a topical ointment, but what if I hold the squat-thrust position while pointing my fingertips skyward like so.”

Ok, I decided.  It is going to be called “Before and After.”  It is going to be about a middle aged suburban dad who does a trendy workout video routine that we’ll call the “Psychosis” workout or the “Irrationality” workout or the “Dementia” workout.  It will be sort of like a “Picture of Dorian Gray” thing where he periodically takes pictures of himself with his shirt off to monitor his progress, and the picture NEVER EVER CHANGES even though on the inside he is becoming more and more exhausted and he’s always in a shitty mood because according to the pictures, he may as well as have spent October on the couch drinking pumpkin beer and cheap gin.  By the end of the second month, he works out so hard his heart explodes and as he dies, he glances up and sees that his picture had sculpted abs all along.

-fin.

I happen to believe a fertilized egg is the beginnings of human life.  At every stage of gestation, the embryo or fetus is also part of a woman’s body.  Since basic concepts of liberty and freedom require that a woman be afforded full autonomy over her body and any medical decisions attendant thereto, abortion must be legal. The decision to terminate a pregnancy is personal and people who insist on injecting their own morality into telling other people what to do or how to feel about it is, in my view, offensive. 

I think Richard Mourdock’s comments are vile.  I also hear a lot of watered-down versions of his comments all over the place, like “everything happens for a reason,” and “it’s all in God’s plan” and “We make plans and God laughs,” that strike me as honestly not that different except that they speak in generalities instead of specifics.  So what is God responsible for?  What is in his plan and what isn’t?  It’s a lot easier to just not believe in God.

My impression of the debates is that Romney’s goal was to focus on being strong, confident and presidential, in order to court voters who did not like the president’s first term, but were concerned a Romney presidency would be worse.  In that sense, I think Romney was very successful.

With regard to the president, I think that after the first debate, he stopped worrying about making the undecideds want to vote for him, because let’s face it, if the last four years haven’t made someone want to vote for Obama, a few debates aren’t going to change their minds.  Instead, it seemed to me like Obama focused on  going on the offensive and attacking Romney because that’s what’s gonna energize the base, i.e.  instead of changing an undecided mind, he wants to make sure more of his decideds get their ass to the polls. In that sense, I think Obama was very successful.

A.  Complete Insanity Workout and the associated abs.

B.  Learn another instrument

C.  Practice banjo, piano guitar and trombone until competent to lead family band

D.  Obtain more instruments (tuba, trumpet, accordian(?), upright bass, drum set)

E.  Learn/teach family the above-referenced instruments

F. Work with Parker on shotgun snaps

G. Work with Graham on peeing in the toilet instead of the garbage can

H. Finish War and Peace

I. Finish novel

J. Book some gigs for the family band

K. Talk Parker out of his reluctance to do a third year of wrestling

L.  I don’t know, maybe take a cooking class?

It is hard to sort out the right order.  I feel like J should be last, but maybe if we do J first, we’ll have no choice but to do B,C,D and E.  Also, if anyone is selling any instruments, let me know.